Why Time Alone Does NOT Heal All Wounds.
Recently, I have been progressively embracing the view against the statement that “time heals all”.
Not entirely- but let me tell you where this statement gets misconstrued.
I believe that this statement sets the connotation that by simply allowing time to pass (the way it inevitably will), it will naturally sweep away the things that we are hurting from. It will seal our scars on its own, and slowly make us forget about the reasons why we felt heartbroken, betrayed, and/or abandoned in the first place. It implicitly suggests that healing is a passive process.
But let me ask you this: who the heck has ever healed by simply hoping for things to get better on their own?
Healing is your responsibility.
The reason why healing is so hard is that it involves a graceful dance between time and action. There truly are things that only with time will feel easier, because you have to let yourself feel them to release them, and only through facing them will you loosen the grip that they have on you; however, there are moments when you have to be actionable in how you interact with those emotions. You have to ask yourself what those emotions are trying to tell you about your experience, and how you can use the lessons hidden in those emotions to guide the way you will rise back up.
I can’t tell you how long it will take you to heal from the pain you are feeling; and if I were you, I certainly would not put a timeline on it. Everyone’s journey to healing is different because we all have to face different things of a different magnitude and develop different skills to overcome those things. Setting a timeline will place unnecessary stress on your shoulders that will only hinder your process when healing is supposed to be for you and for your own self-discovery.
Furthermore, we can seldom control how the things that we lived through can make their way back and force us to feel. You may be reminded of something that happened one year ago that you were certain you’d gotten over, and just because it invokes emotion in you 12 months later doesn’t make you weak. What matters is that you are able to acknowledge those emotions and honor them while remembering why you are not in your old shoes anymore.
Time will heal all only if you infuse quality into that time. A quality feeling of your emotions, a quality reflection of those emotions, and a quality releasing of those emotions. This is especially true when you keep repeating cycles of harmful thoughts, self-abandonment, and taking steps backward, and find yourself looking at the calendar wondering how long it will take for those patterns to resolve themselves. This is one of the biggest indicators that something in your approach is what needs to change, not necessarily that your timeline of healing is getting extended.
The quality of your time is what will heal all because how you heal and who you heal into are a choice. No one said it was easy, but if you can develop a curiosity for what these periods of adversity are capable of revealing to you about yourself, the more you will find fulfillment in (compassionately) confronting your difficult emotions, and the more you will appreciate the journey of becoming who your pain was meant to build you into.
